Return of the Instrument Junkie

My friends have done it to me again.

The good folks in the Performing Arts Guild, Extraordinaire (PAGE) celebrated my recent birthday with ice cream and apple cobbler (and candles! just not as many as necessary, thank you!). Then they handed me a gift.

They weren't supposed to do that.

I unwrapped it and found a Yamaha Tenor Recorder. I was nearly speechless, and I wasn't putting together complete sentences.

I have a hard time with gifts.

Part of my problem is that I'm not good at accepting gifts, and I HATE feeling indebted. I'm also bad at giving thoughtful, meaningful gifts: the more time I have spent on deciding what to give, and the more effort I have invested in procuring a gift, and the more certain I am that the gift is PERFECT--

The more likely I'm going to see that "What were you thinking?!?" look.

(This is why gift baskets with floral soaps, bath oils, and the like are NEVER the right gift. Somehow, the message received is, "You stink. Take a bath.")

So, receiving gifts, especially really good gifts, puts me under real pressure. I want to reciprocate, and I know I can't.

Also, when it comes to gifting, I tend to be a cheapskate. I'll buy dinners, and movie tickets, and fill gas tanks, and never notice or care. But I hear what other people spend on gifts for birthdays and Christmas, and I can't even IMAGINE what they spend it on.

My ideal of gifting is to give someone something useful that they wouldn't buy themselves. I mean, if it's not USEFUL, then it's USELESS, and who would want a useless gift? ("The Ronco Turnip Twaddler! Similar items sold in stores for up to $150.00, yours for just three easy payments of $59.99!") But if it would be useful, you've probably already bought it, or it's too expensive, or it's so utilitarian that no one else would even THINK of buying one of THOSE as a gift.

(This is why vacuum cleaners are ALWAYS the wrong gift, even if your wife ASKED for one. It's too utilitarian, no matter how practical or expensive.)

And once you have a reputation, it can backfire.

(This is why a string of pearls can STILL be the wrong gift. It's so extravagant that they MUST not be real, and so non-utilitarian that they couldn't be from him...)

In other words, I have NEVER been able to give the right gift. I have been told, "Oh, I don't want anything!", and then I am castigated for giving nothing. I have been told, "Oh, anything is fine," but it isn't. I have given exactly what was requested, and been told I should have been more original. And I have tried to be original, or extravagant, and been told, "What were you thinking?"

So, if I seem ungrateful, or overwhelmed, or surprised, or confused, or WHATEVER, it's because I KNOW that I can never be as good to my friends as you are to me. My gifts to you will be well-intentioned; they are unlikely to be good, original, clever, or terribly expensive. Or even on time. It just doesn't work. My experience tells me so.

Thanks for the recorder, PAGE. I love you all.

Siege of Glengary

I know that it's autumn when I go to the Siege of Glengary.

Glengary is an annual interkingdom SCA event between the Shire of Sylvan Glen in Aethelmearc, and the Barony of Highland Foorde in Atlantia. I first attended in 2005, and annually ever since. It's a terrific event, with heavy weapons, thrown weapons, archery, fencing, youth combat, arts & science, bardic, and silent auctions. They provide meals throughout, including Friday night and Sunday morning. You can tent if you like, or stay in the dormitory of the 4-H camp. Hot showers! Bardic circles! Bunk beds!

Glengary has been a very good event for me over the years I have attended. In 2005, at Siege X, I won the bardic competition with a performance of my song, The Ballad of Estrella 5. In 2006, at Siege XI, I won the bardic competition again, performing my poem Bothersome Beasts and Marauding Monsters. In 2007, at Siege XII, HRM Queen Rowan of Atlantia attended, and was so pleased by the musical backdrop I provided for the event that she awarded me the Silver Nautilus. And finding that I had been part of the Society for 22 years, and feeling I had been overlooked, she gave me my Award of Arms.

But HRM Rowan said one more thing: "Keep doing it!" And so, by ROYAL COMMAND, I have chosen to spend most of my time at every event playing music. This has caused me to fall in with a faire company, the Bright Hills Performing Arts Guild Extraordinaire! Siege XIII was no exception, and we gathered enough other musicians around us to create some rather extraordinary, if simple, polyphony. "Dona Nobis Pacem" sounds GREAT with 2 harps, alto and tenor recorder, and drum!

And once again, of course, I entered the bardic competition. I find in general that in competitions where the winner is selected by popular acclaim, and the performers of similar talent, the one who can be HEARD by the back of the hall is the one to be chosen. I have never had a problem with reaching the back of the hall! And so I told the story of Orpheus and his descent to the Underworld to reclaim his bride, Eurydice, complete with appropriate songs.

I heard the overwhelming applause for my main competitor, one Lady Margarita, a local bard of Sylvan Glen. But those running the competition could not judge between us. "Was there any question?" I asked. But they asked for the acclaim of the populace again, first for me...and then for Lady Margarita.

I interrupted, "My lord, why embarrass me? I bow to the lady!" And kissing her hand, I conceded the contest, to subdued calls of "Well played!"

Lady Margarita claimed the prize, a leather-bound journal with an embossed cover--and I knew what to do next!

"My lady!" I cried, "I must speak! May I see the journal?" And taking the journal, I said, "It is as I feared! My lady, an acquaintance of mine had such a journal--you must take great care, lest you suffer the same fate!" And with that introduction, I launched into Under The Gripping Beast, by Cat Faber.

Perhaps I didn't win the competition. But I got more compliments than I can remember, on both my Orpheus and Gripping Beast. And I got the last word ;-)

I count that as a win.